Misunderstood

Some people make friends wherever they go. They make friends at work, at school, at church, even in the waiting room at the doctor's office.  My husband is like that -- everyone loves him!  (Reason number one million why Todd and I are so well-matched -- he's never known a stranger.)  I can count the number of true friends I've had in my lifetime on two hands.  I'm not known for having a warm, loving personality.  In fact, my family teases me that I'm "cold as ice" and unfriendly.  I promise you, I'm a nice person!  The "unfriendly" characterization is not (entirely) true!  The way I see it, there are several reasons for this mis-characterization: 

Our "Game Night" Bunch

Number 1:  I'm naturally shy and reserved, which sometimes translates as cool or aloof.  It's something I've struggled with my whole life.  Conversation and socialization does not come naturally to me.  I have to make a conscious effort to talk to people.  My preference is to just sit and watch, letting others do the talking and socializing.  Of course, that all changes when I really get to know you  -- I can be quite chatty!

Number 2:  I grew up in a large family.  There was always someone to play with or talk to.  I had five older sisters -- friends were optional!  Don't get me wrong, I had friends growing up, but because of my shyness, it took me awhile to make them.  So, when we moved to a new town and I would spend the day at school shy and lonely, I looked forward to the end of the day, when I could walk in the door of my home and be surrounded by love, companionship, and fun!

Sweet old friends, Kim and Tom

Number 3:  I'm not a typical "touchy-feely" kind of girl!  I don't feel the need to share my deepest, darkest fears or the challenges I'm going through.  I don't want to chat on the phone.  In fact, I can go a week sometimes without even thinking to give a friend a call.  I'm a fairly private person, perfectly content to keep things to myself, or share them with my husband or a sister.  That "sappy" confiding stuff -- not my cup of tea! 

Number 4:  I was not blessed with the gift of mercy or empathy.  My theory is, "Suck it up!"  If my family member is truly sick or feeling bad, I can be the doting mom and wife - getting them a drink of water, covering them with a blanket or listening to their heartbreaks.  However, there's a point where enough is enough.  I say, "Suck it up!"  Wallowing in self-pity never helped anyone, and the best way to start feeling better is to get up and get moving!  For that attitude, I've earned the reputation of being "tough" or, in fun (I hope), "mean"!

 

Every girl needs a girlfriend or two!



So, I am very often misunderstood by those who don't really know me.  They don't know what my family and friends know - that beneath this icy exterior I'm just a goof-ball.  They don't know that sometimes I sing at the top of my lungs and dance around the house.  Or that I've been described as a comedian's dream -- no one can make me laugh like my kids and hubby! 

And as for my "tough", no-nonsense attitude?  It's always been tempered by my mission to make our home a loving haven.  Besides, I'm actually getting softer in my old age.  I love my family.  I love my friends.  It takes a little effort to break through, but if you do, I'm a life-long friend, loyal to the end. 

Sweet Saturdays

Weekends can be busy and go by in a flash.  When the kids were young, our Saturdays were spent going to soccer games, getting groceries, cleaning the house, and running errands.  Now, more often than not, it's just me and the hubby - but that's ok.  It's our turn. 

 

Relaxing at the beach.

We enjoy our Saturdays together.  Sometimes we work in the yard or tackle one of our many home projects (bought a "fixer-upper" a year ago and there are LOTS of things to be fixed-up!).  Sometimes we spend the day garage sale-ing (it's not that we really need anything, we just enjoy finding "deals") or relaxing at the beach.  This past Saturday, we garage-saled our way to Cracker Barrel to meet my sister and brother-in-law for breakfast, checked out a house with our son and his fiance, tracked down and bought an elliptical machine on craigslist, and spent the evening cozied up in the living room watching a movie.  It was a day full of no plans.  We had no where to go and all day to get there.  My favorite kind of day!

Our garage sale purchases for the day: 

• a white porcelain sink for $25
• a very nice iron for $3
• a half-full propane tank for $5 (my sister just spent $40 on a new one)
• 74 -- yes, seventy-four -- newer title DVDs for a buck apiece!

Silliness - Get a Daily Dose

My kids make me smile - everyday.  Sometimes it's something as little as waking up to a silly message on the kitchen message board:

And, the best part?  Someone's answer written at the bottom (a little hard to see):  "No, no I won't."

~ MOMMY-HOOD ~

Some thoughts from Ma (not an expert, just opinionated):

Nick and his cousin, Brittany, playing in the fireplace ashes.

Patience is a virtue.  Mommy-hood is not for the faint of heart.  It's serious business and can be overwhelming.  Mom's are cooks, maids, laundresses, secretaries, teachers, referees, nurses . . .  So, when the baby's grabbing on your skirt, your toddler is playing in the fireplace ashes, the UPS man is at the door, the washer is out of balance and the phone is ringing - take a breath.  Take it one step at a time.  Remember, it will all get done - and, if it doesn't, that's ok.  Be patient -- with your kids and with yourself.

Respect.  Give it.  Teach it.  Earn it.  Expect it.

 Mom-isms.  Every mom needs at least three "mom phrases" ready at all times.  These are a few of my faves:

• "Are you looking for trouble?  Because, if you're looking, you're going to find it!"
• "Because I said so!"
• "Go to your room and don't come out until you have a smile on your face!"

Need I say more?

Bless our mess.  I am a firm believer in letting kids get dirty.  Let them make messes.  Let them dig in the dirt, make blanket forts in the living room, do crafts at the kitchen table, and help make cookies.  Have fun!  Messes can be cleaned up during nap time or, better yet, use that mess to teach the kids to clean.  Which brings me to my next tip:

Chores - fun for everyone!  When the kids make a mess, they should clean up a mess.  Encouraging them to pick up their toys before bedtime, or letting them "help" load the dishwasher is an important step to teaching them responsibility.  Everyone should help.  Moms have enough to do.

Todd tending one of our many bonfires.  He's a bit of a "pyro"!

Keeping family traditions and making new ones.  We read the Christmas story from Luke 2 before we open gifts.  We do it not only to remind us of the reason we celebrate, but because it's a tradition from our childhood that we're passing on to our kids.  It's important to keep those traditions going.  Just as importantly, make new ones.  One of our newer traditions is family bonfires.  We bought four acres a couple years ago and have been slowly clearing the back woods.  We pile all the brush and have a huge bonfire every couple weeks.  It's a great time to sit and talk and enjoy family and friends.


 Encourage dreams.  I remember when Nick was in 10th grade, he announced he was going to go on a hike across Europe with a couple friends after graduation.  I knew it was unlikely that this trip was really going to materialize.  But, at that time, it was something he believed he was going to do.  He could picture himself on this great adventure and it was exciting.  Instead of, "How do you plan to pay for that?" or "That's never going to happen!", I said, "Wow!  Sounds exciting.  Better get saving!"  I wanted to encourage him to dream big and make big plans.  Even though I didn't believe in that particular adventure, I wanted him to know that I believed in him! 


 Embarrassing questions are no laughing matter.  One of the best things about having kids is the joy and laughter they bring into your life.  They say the funniest things and ask the funniest questions!  However, sometimes those funny questions or statements are very serious to them.  I never wanted to embarrass them and cause them to stop asking questions.  So, I'd stifle the laughter, keep a straight face, and answer as matter-of-factly as I could.  Not always an easy feat!  I'd save up all those funny stories from the day and, that night in bed, Todd and I would share and laugh hysterically.  Kids' dignity remained intact and we got a good laugh - win-win situation.


Consequences and follow-through.  These days, follow-through is not a common practice.  You can't visit a grocery store without hearing at least one mom threaten her child with bodily harm or withholding candy if they don't stop misbehaving, only to give up in frustration or give them the never-ending countdown, "one, two, three, four, four-and-a-half, four-and-three-quarters .  . ."  Before you know it, she's feeding them candy to keep them quiet and the child learned an important lesson:  "Disobey Mom in public and she'll eventually give up and give me the candy just to shut me up."  If you threaten, there must be consequences. 

Hugs, kisses and apologies.  Hug your kids every day.  Cover them in kisses.  Tell them you love them.  Let them know how important they are to you.  Because, you will make mistakes.  You will say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, embarrass them, or hurt them.  Hugs and kisses make up for a lot of mistakes; and, when all else fails, be willing to apologize. 

Shame On Me!

I was reminded today that God still answers prayer --- even silly ones! 

And shame on me for being surprised!!

My house is a wreck.  As mentioned in my previous entry, I'm a procrastinator.  I have procrastinated my house right into chaos!  So, my goal today was to get a good start on cleaning.  One of my aggravations when cleaning is my sweet puppies.  They insist on attacking the vaccuum cleaner when I'm trying to use it.  I think they're trying to protect me from this big, bad creature that lives in the garage - but what they do is aggravate and frustrate me! 

So, this morning in my Bible reading and prayer, I prayed a simple, silly little prayer:

"Dear Lord, forgive me for my laziness.

 (my besetting sin, by the way) 

I need to get this house clean.
Would you keep the dogs out of my way, please?" 

I just threw that last part in there as a silly little request, not really expecting Him to do it. 

Shame on me! 

This is what my dogs were doing today while I vaccuumed:

When Lightning Strikes!

I remember the exact moment I decided I was ready to be a mom.  It hit me all at once.  Like a lightning bolt from the sky -- BAM!  I was ready.  Now.  Time to make it happen.  Unfortunately for Todd, there was no warning.  I hadn't been "ooh"-ing and "ahh"-ing over babies for weeks.  I hadn't been stifling a ticking clock.  We were living a "yuppie" lifestyle (to use a term from our generation) - working, playing, enjoying life.  Then, one Sunday morning, sitting in church -- BAM!  It's time for a family.

Over the years, I've tried to remember what Dad was preaching about that day, or what songs were sung, but I have no idea.  Truth is, I don't think the sermon or music had anything to do with my epiphany.  There's never any warning when lightning strikes.  It just happens.  BAM!  Looking back, the smart thing to do would probably have been to bring it up to Todd over dinner or while driving in the car.  Instead, I leaned over right then and whispered in his ear, "I want to have a baby."  Just like that.  No warning.  No discussion.  I'm sure it took him completely by surprise but, to his credit, he just quietly grinned and whispered back, "Let's talk about this later, ok?"

I really don't remember, but I'm sure the discussion went something like this:  "I want to have a baby, what about you?"  "Ok.  Let's do it."  I think, though it didn't hit him with the same immediacy, he was just as ready as I was.  We'd been married for three years and had been having a ball!  We worked Monday through Friday and spent our weekends footloose and free - garage-saleing (one of our favorite things to do), going out to eat, catching a movie, or hopping in the car for an impromptu getaway!  We enjoyed those first three years together, but now we were ready to share our lives with someone new.  A bit of him and a bit of me, mixed into a cute little bundle of sweetness.

Soon, we were blessed with an adorable baby boy, Nicholas Edward.  He was sweet and perfect.  We were so happy.  Our house was a home.  It was no longer just a stopping off place before heading to the movies, going out with friends, or taking weekend trips.  Now, it was a place to be together, to retreat from the rest of the world.  It was a place of lullabies and cuddling, and before we knew it, rough-and-tumble wrestling, digging in the dirt, playing with trucks and toy guns, patching skinned knees, reading stories, and tickle time before bed.  And that's when it hit me - like a lightning bolt from the sky -- BAM!   We were a family. 

My Fam

A quick a note to let y'all know that I've added a new family page to my site. 

Click on the "Ma's Amazing Fam!" tab at the top of the page for a little background info on each person. 

I Put the "Pro" in Procrastination

I don't know about you, but I am a procrastinator.  I'll do it later.  There's always tomorrow.  Problem is, those "laters" and "tomorrows" never seem to come.  I'm not talking about everyday cleaning or laundry.  (Don't get me wrong!  I procrastinate on those things, too, but they eventually get done based on pure necessity.)  What I'm talking about are those nagging little "projects" that haunt me year after year.  For example, these are the projects I am determined to accomplish in 2011:

• Sort and display our mountain of photographs.  There are at least two big bins full of photos that no one is enjoying.  My goal is to discard the duds, sort and organize the good photos into albums, and frame and display some of the best.  No need to hold on to all those scenery pictures that no one cares about, or the poorly focused snapshot of the kids' "pet" caterpillar in a jar.  Weed 'em out.  Put 'em in a book.  Get 'em on the wall.
• Organize my "loose" recipes into a binder.  I have recipes from magazines, handwritten on napkins, printed off the computer - most of which I've never made yet.  A tidy little binder, categorized into appetizers, veggies, meats, desserts, etc. would be so much more convenient.  Of course, I'd be sure to write notes on the margins of how I added to or changed the recipe.  This binder is something I could pass down to Cassie to share with her family. 
• Transfer our home videos to DVD.  We bought a special VCR/DVD machine for this very purpose about 5 years ago and have yet to transfer anything.  Those video tapes are degrading as I type this!  I'm suddenly feeling a sense of urgency to get this done before the tapes are worthless.  (Note to self:  move this to #1 on my list.)
• Get artwork framed.  My brother-in-law, Craig, painted a beautiful portrait of Cassie when she was about 6 years old and a sketch of Nick and Cassie together a couple years later.  They are still sitting there, waiting to be taken to the frame shop so they can be hung on the wall.  Cassie's now 20 years old.  C'mon now!  That's just ridiculous!

So, now I just have to get busy and get these things done.  Get started.  Pick something and do it.  Back away from the blog!